✨ People-pleasing so I wouldn’t be abandoned again.

✨ Perfectionism because if I was flawless, maybe I’d be worthy of love.

✨ Functional freeze—going through the motions, feeling numb, and pretending everything was fine.

✨ Subconscious fawning—I became a chameleon, losing myself in others’ needs, opinions, and desires, all to gain love and acceptance.

I didn’t even realize I was doing it—it was a subconscious survival response.

By the time I was a teenager, I was desperate to escape. I needed to get away from the chaos, the unpredictability, and the constant feeling of not being enough. So, I ran as far as I could—I joined the military.

I thought it would be my ticket to freedom and independence, but instead, it became another chapter of survival. In the military, I learned how to be tough, detached, and hyper-vigilant. I was trained to fight, to suppress my emotions, and to power through no matter how much it hurt. I learned to armor myself and push through pain, believing that needing help meant I was weak. So, I kept it all inside, burying the pain even deeper.

On the outside, I looked strong and capable. But inside, I was a mess. My self-esteem was shattered. I was constantly performing for approval and shrinking myself to avoid being too much or not enough. I felt broken, unworthy, and like nothing I did was ever good enough.

I carried this pain into adulthood.

💔 I struggled to trust people—even the ones who loved me.

💔 I ended up in toxic relationships because deep down, I didn’t believe I deserved better.

💔 I was constantly on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop, never feeling safe in my own skin.

I turned to food and alcohol to numb the pain, to quiet the chaos in my mind, and to fill the void that love was supposed to fill. It was the only way I knew how to cope with the emptiness.

Then, in my 30s, everything came crashing down. I went through a terrible divorce that shattered what little self-worth I had left. It was the wake-up call I couldn’t ignore. I realized I was living the same patterns on repeat, and if I didn’t change something, I’d keep ending up in the same pain.

So, I dived headfirst into mindset work. I devoured self-help books, went to therapy, and did everything I could to “fix myself.” But no matter how much I journaled, meditated, or reframed my thoughts, I still felt broken.

That’s when I learned the truth no one tells you: Trauma doesn’t live in your mind. It lives in your body.

I was trying to think my way out of pain that was stored in my nervous system. Decades of survival patterns were hardwired into my body, keeping me stuck in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn even when I wanted to move forward. No amount of positive thinking could override my body’s need for safety.

To truly heal, I had to recalibrate my nervous system. I had to learn how to feel safe in my body, how to release stored trauma, and how to regulate my system when old patterns tried to take over. I had to unravel and rewrite decades of conditioning, reconnect with the child inside me, and learn to feel safe in my own skin.

And let me tell you, on the other side of that? Freedom. Expansion. A life that finally feels like mine.

Now, as a trauma-informed life coach, I help others do the same. Because healing isn’t about fixing yourself—it’s about coming home to who you’ve always been. ✨